{"id":158367,"date":"2024-08-18T10:38:56","date_gmt":"2024-08-18T07:38:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.nli.org.il\/?p=158367"},"modified":"2024-08-18T10:39:04","modified_gmt":"2024-08-18T07:39:04","slug":"tu_bav_jewish_valentines","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/en\/tu_bav_jewish_valentines\/","title":{"rendered":"Tu B\u2019Av, the Jewish Valentine\u2019s Day"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>This commonly happens in Israel each August: No sooner do digital promotions for lectures and worship services relating to Tisha B\u2019Av fade than advertisements for love charms and singles events and romantic B&amp;B getaways for Tu B\u2019Av pop up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The former event, the 9th day of the Jewish month of Av, is the saddest date on the calendar, a 25-hour period of fasting and commemorating such national calamities as the destruction in 586 B.C.E. and 70 C.E. of Jerusalem\u2019s two holy temples. The second date, the 15th of Av, is known as the Jewish holiday of love and courtship, going back to the temple periods.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The calendar\u2019s juxtaposition is considered intentional, with the solemnity of three weeks of mourning yielding to life-affirming joy \u2014 and what\u2019s more life-affirming than young people finding each other, courting, falling in love and marrying?<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"436\" height=\"600\" src=\"https:\/\/blog.nli.org.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/loveandwine-436x600.jpg\" alt=\"Loveandwine\" class=\"wp-image-158381\" srcset=\"https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/loveandwine-436x600.jpg 436w, https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/loveandwine-218x300.jpg 218w, https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/loveandwine.jpg 480w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 436px) 100vw, 436px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">&#8220;Love and wine, wine and love&#8221; &#8211; A fairly Dionysian-looking poster promoting a celebration of the ancient Jewish festival of Tu B&#8217;Av at Kibbutz GIvat Hayim Ihud. This <a href=\"https:\/\/www.nli.org.il\/en\/archives\/NNL_ARCHIVE_AL997011004503005171\/NLI\" class=\"ek-link\">item<\/a> has been made accessible thanks to the collaborative efforts of the Givat Haim Ihud Archive, the Ministry of Jerusalem and Heritage and the National Library of Israel.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n<p>Tu B\u2019Av shows \u201cthat we\u2019re over the whole mourning period and are rededicating ourselves to love,\u201d said Rabbi Avidan Milevsky, a psychology professor at Ariel University. \u201cIt\u2019s a sense of healing, of rebuilding a Jewish home. We kind of heal from the destruction of the Temples by building a temple at home when we\u2019re married.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That\u2019s all the more vital now, in the depressing year of 5784 that began with Hamas\u2019 invasion of the western Negev on Oct. 7 and extended to the ongoing war in Gaza and against the southern Lebanon-based Hezbollah terrorist organization.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There were \u201cno happier days for Israel\u201d than Yom Kippur and the 15th of Av, when \u201cthe daughters of Jerusalem would go forth and dance in the vineyards\u201d wearing white garments, Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel said in the Mishnah of Taanit (4:8).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cAnd what did they say?\u201d he asked rhetorically, referring to the young women.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYoung man, raise your eyes and see who you\u2019re selecting for yourself. Don\u2019t set your eyes on beauty, but on family.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The ritual began at Shiloh, the Samarian town housing the tabernacle in pre-temple days. \u201cGo and lie in wait in the vineyards, and see and behold if the daughters of Shiloh come out to dance, then come out of the vineyards, and every man will catch his wife among the daughters of Shiloh,\u201d reads the Book of Judges (21:21).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"773\" height=\"600\" src=\"https:\/\/blog.nli.org.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/NNL_ARCHIVE_AL11389623220005171_IE2334644_FL2583809-773x600.jpg\" alt=\"Nnl Archive Al11389623220005171 Ie2334644 Fl2583809\" class=\"wp-image-158384\" srcset=\"https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/NNL_ARCHIVE_AL11389623220005171_IE2334644_FL2583809-773x600.jpg 773w, https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/NNL_ARCHIVE_AL11389623220005171_IE2334644_FL2583809-300x233.jpg 300w, https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/NNL_ARCHIVE_AL11389623220005171_IE2334644_FL2583809-768x596.jpg 768w, https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/NNL_ARCHIVE_AL11389623220005171_IE2334644_FL2583809.jpg 800w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 773px) 100vw, 773px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Archaeolical ruins in ancient Shiloh. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.nli.org.il\/en\/images\/NNL_ARCHIVE_AL997009563545805171\/NLI\" class=\"ek-link\">Photo<\/a> by Ken Jacobson (American Colony, Jerusalem), the Lenkin Family Collection of Photography at the University of Pennsylvania Library, the Pritzker Family National Photography Collection, the National Library of Israel<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A variation of the ritual was revived more recently. For 11 years, through 2019, Shiloh\u2019s historical site hosted thousands of women coming to dance in honor of Tu B\u2019Av. It was done \u201cjust as in Biblical days and exactly at the same place and time where it was customarily done by Shiloh\u2019s young women according to ancient tradition,\u201d a 2019 pamphlet states.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That pamphlet was published by the regional council of Binyamin, a section of central Israel named for the tribe of Benjamin, who lived there in ancient times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"852\" height=\"600\" src=\"https:\/\/blog.nli.org.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/Ofra-852x600.jpg\" alt=\"Ofra\" class=\"wp-image-158387\" srcset=\"https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/Ofra-852x600.jpg 852w, https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/Ofra-300x211.jpg 300w, https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/Ofra-768x541.jpg 768w, https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/Ofra.jpg 937w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 852px) 100vw, 852px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Tu B&#8217;Av celebrations in Ofra, 1975. This <a href=\"https:\/\/www.nli.org.il\/en\/archives\/NNL_ARCHIVE_AL997009638854405171\/NLI\" class=\"ek-link\">photo<\/a> is part of the Archive Network Israel project and has been made accessible thanks to the collaborative efforts of the Yad Ben Zvi Archive, the Ministry of Jerusalem and Heritage and the National Library of Israel.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If Tu B\u2019Av represents singles joining, it also stands for reunification. The 15th of Av is the date a ban was lifted against the 11 other tribes marrying Benjaminites following the murder of the concubine of Givah that sparked a civil war, as told in the Hebrew Bible, also in the Book of Judges.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The Shiloh site dropped reenactments of the ritual dancing, but this August will host a concert by Israeli musician Eviatar Banai a few days after Tu B\u2019Av in an event marketed to couples, according to an employee reached by phone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A black-and-white photo from 1948 or 1949 shows young boys and girls at Kibbutz Sde Eliyahu participating in a Tu B\u2019Av ceremony. The image, from the kibbutz\u2019s archive, is in the National Library of Israel\u2019s collection. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"970\" height=\"569\" src=\"https:\/\/blog.nli.org.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/0001_FL70279113-970x569.jpg\" alt=\"0001 Fl70279113\" class=\"wp-image-158390\" srcset=\"https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/0001_FL70279113-970x569.jpg 970w, https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/0001_FL70279113-300x176.jpg 300w, https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/0001_FL70279113-768x450.jpg 768w, https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/0001_FL70279113-1536x901.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/0001_FL70279113.jpg 2000w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 970px) 100vw, 970px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Children taking part in a Tu B&#8217;av celebration in Kibbutz Sde Eliyahu in 1948\/49, this <a href=\"https:\/\/www.nli.org.il\/en\/archives\/NNL_ARCHIVE_AL997009701185305171\/NLI\" class=\"ek-link\">item<\/a> is part of the Archive Network Israel project and has been made accessible thanks to the collaborative efforts of the Kibbutz Sde Eliyahu Archive, the Ministry of Jerusalem and Heritage and the National Library of Israel.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Another item in the collection, from the 1980s, is a colorful drawing marketed to adults \u2014 \u201csteak in pita with a glass of brandy\u201d and \u201ca romantic atmosphere,\u201d the text reads \u2014 for a Tu B\u2019Av gathering at the Caesarea coast.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large is-resized\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"433\" height=\"600\" src=\"https:\/\/blog.nli.org.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/NNL_ARCHIVE_AL11461825700005171_IE190499044_FL190503584-433x600.jpg\" alt=\"Nnl Archive Al11461825700005171 Ie190499044 Fl190503584\" class=\"wp-image-158393\" style=\"aspect-ratio:0.7216666666666667;width:840px;height:auto\" srcset=\"https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/NNL_ARCHIVE_AL11461825700005171_IE190499044_FL190503584-433x600.jpg 433w, https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/NNL_ARCHIVE_AL11461825700005171_IE190499044_FL190503584-217x300.jpg 217w, https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/NNL_ARCHIVE_AL11461825700005171_IE190499044_FL190503584-768x1064.jpg 768w, https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/NNL_ARCHIVE_AL11461825700005171_IE190499044_FL190503584-1109x1536.jpg 1109w, https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/NNL_ARCHIVE_AL11461825700005171_IE190499044_FL190503584.jpg 1444w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 433px) 100vw, 433px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">A poster promising \u201csteak in pita with a glass of brandy\u201d and \u201ca romantic atmosphere&#8221; at a Tu B&#8217;Av celebration on Caesarea Beach, 1980s. This <a href=\"https:\/\/www.nli.org.il\/en\/archives\/NNL_ARCHIVE_AL997011004503505171\/NLI\" class=\"ek-link\">item<\/a> has been made accessible thanks to the collaborative efforts of the Givat Haim Ihud Archive, the Ministry of Jerusalem and Heritage and the National Library of Israel.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cThe whole idea of Tu B\u2019Av honors and recognizes romantic love and provides a framework that could work regardless of how a couple meets,\u201d said Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum, a couples therapist and sex therapist in Beit Shemesh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The ancient Tu B\u2019Av ritual represents values in mating that remain primary today, including \u201cconsent and mutuality, choice and attraction,\u201d she said. \u201cIt\u2019s reframing the idea that marriage is just matching people up randomly.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Aleeza Ben Shalom has worked as a matchmaker since 2012, when she lived in Philadelphia before moving to Israel. She even starred in Netflix\u2019s reality-TV series Jewish Matchmaking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"598\" height=\"600\" src=\"https:\/\/blog.nli.org.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/aleeza-598x600.jpg\" alt=\"Aleeza\" class=\"wp-image-158396\" srcset=\"https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/aleeza-598x600.jpg 598w, https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/aleeza-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/aleeza-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/aleeza-768x770.jpg 768w, https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/aleeza-1532x1536.jpg 1532w, https:\/\/blognli2026.moonsite.co.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/aleeza.jpg 1705w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 598px) 100vw, 598px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><a href=\"https:\/\/marriagemindedmentor.com\/\" class=\"ek-link\">Aleez Ben Shalom<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cThere\u2019s nothing in the world I\u2019d rather do than helping people find love,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m part of the solution to modern-day people choosing no marriage over marriage. I\u2019m part of the solution to build world peace,\u201d said Ben Shalom, a resident of Pardes Hanna.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cIt sounds crazy, but if we have stable, happy families, we can change the world for the greatest good.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Writer-editor Hillel Kuttler can be reached at hk@HillelTheScribeCommunications.com<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cThere\u2019s nothing in the world I\u2019d rather do than helping people find love,\u201d says a matchmaker<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":450,"featured_media":158375,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[218],"tags":[1232,1708,224],"tags2":[3067,2707,2665],"class_list":["post-158367","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-judaism","tag-history-of-israel","tag-jewish-holidays","tag-judaism"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized 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